Kayla/Ellie ♥ Female ♥ Pansexual ♥ Magical Girl

Hello there, and welcome to my world~ Here I'll post whatever I feel like posting, so I hope you like it. As for me, I'm shy, childish, cuddly, loving, and clingy. You can talk to me about anything and everything, I'll always be willing to listen and I'll support you as much as I can. If you want to know anything else, just message me. I may be a bit too shy to reply at first, but you'll get a reply sooner or later~ I'm completely open to requests on here, Tumblr, and elsewhere; just let me know what you want and I'll get to making it as soon as possible.

Tumblr ~ Facebook ~ Ask.fm ~ Pinterest ~ DollDivine ~ MyAnimeList ~ IMDB

Small update (I guess?)

More complaining and whining. I need to vent and get things off my chest because I spend all of my time in real life just bottling it all up and trying hard to be cheerful. If you don't want to read it, just ignore this post.

I'd like to say I've made progress this week, but things have just gone from bad to worse. There was a particularly bad incident with my family where Kelsey and Will had to comfort me, and I was borderline hysterical. I seem to feel exhausted all the time, to the point where I'm having trouble doing anything, and no matter how much sleep I get, it just wont go away. I've been trying to get to see a therapist or psychiatrist but as I mentioned in my previous post, I've had no such luck. I've tried multiple times just this week to get an appointment but I've gotten nowhere again. Honestly, I am trying so hard with things but it all feels like an impossible struggle and a fight I'm just not going to win, no matter what. I hope that I don't push any of you away, talking about these things, but I need to let my feelings out. I'm sorry for another depressing post.

Onto another, and much more important topic, I am extremely grateful for all of you, for being so supportive, and being such wonderful friends, and being constantly encouraging with my graphics and other things as it honestly keeps me going, knowing that I might be good at one thing, at the least. Knowing that I'm loved, despite all my problems, makes me feel like I can keep going, despite the pain. My own family cannot love me, but I have so many wonderful, amazing, kind friends, that it doesn't matter. Thank you all, so much. <3

I feel lost.

Just a warning, I'll be whining in the post, so if you'd rather not read it, stop here.

Right now I feel like I've hit rock bottom with my depression. Not a single day goes by when its not hard to get out of bed, when it doesn't feel like too much effort to even breathe. I feel sick and tired all the time, exhausted, like I'm completely drained of energy. I'm even having trouble eating. I need to see a psychiatrist really badly but I don't seem to be getting anywhere with that, everytime I call them to make an appointment, they take weeks to get back to me, and sometimes they don't get back to me at all. I'm too afraid to even leave the house, and I'm constantly anxious for no reason. I have health problems and I'm always sickly and a burden to be around. I just feel like giving up. But I won't because I have friends that love me, and I need them. And I hope they need me, too. I just needed to get this out of my system, I've been bottling things up too much. I'm just hurting everywhere, physically and mentally, and I don't know how to make it stop. I feel like I'm lost, and nobody can find me. I'm so pathetic.