I slammed the door hard, hoping that she could tell that I was extremely angry at her. My mother and I didn’t exactly have the healthiest mother-daughter relationship. I yearned to have that kind of relationship with my mom where I could tell her anything without judging me, where we can talk openly about things, where I could trust her with my secrets… kind of like a best friend.
I had tears in my eyes, and I was biting my lip hard. ‘Why do we have to go through this?’ I said to myself. ‘All we do is fight… we’re not gonna be here forever, I wish we could just stop doing this…’ I put my hoodie on, and watched my breath in the cold still air of the night that loomed over me. ‘She doesn’t understand my problems… even when I pour out everything to her, she looks at me like an idiot. I wish she would just understand… I wish that I felt love from her.’ I kept saying these things in my head, and I felt so helpless.
I walked a couple blocks down, and the moon started to disappear behind the dark clouds. I didn’t care where I went. I could care less where I ended up. I just had to get far away from that house before I lost my mind. This is a once a month thing, if not once a week. We would just scream, cry, throw things, and it was out of control. I walked faster and just started bawling again, the tears quickly growing cold as the chillness made contact with them and my face. I didn’t know what to do. At that point I just let my feet take me where I wanted to go, no questions asked.
Whenever I storm out of the house, she doesn’t even ask where I’m going. She doesn’t even care. Has it really gotten that bad? Has it got to the point where it happens so much, that she knows I’m going to go somewhere, and not come back ‘til the next day? Well that’s depressing. I shook my head, and noticed that the moon was still shyly hiding behind the clouds, and I was beginning to go into the park.
The light posts were tall and black, and the light itself was a calming mellow yellow, and there wasn’t a single noise. No birds, no little critters running about, just the breeze blowing through the leaves, making the trees seem like they were dancing. I walked further along the trail, not really wanting to look up. I had to have walked at least 25 minutes from my house, so I spotted out a bench and sat down. I pulled my hood up over my head, and closed my eyes. I just wanted to fall asleep there, forget where I was, and just wake up the next morning and start over. Oh, if only it were that simple.
I opened my eyes after they were closed trying to hold my tears back, and noticed a little ways down the trail there was another bench. I squinted my eyes to get a better look, and I realized that there was a guy sitting there. ‘That’s weird…’ I thought to myself, ‘Isn’t it odd that there’s a guy sitting on a park bench reading a newspaper this late at night?’ Then I shook my head and laughed. “He’s probably thinking the same thing about me,” I chuckled aloud. I decided to look back over, and at that moment he got up and started to walk my way. ‘Uh-oh.’ I thought, pulling my legs up close to myself. I don’t like talking to strangers. I just wanted to get away. But I was tired, and I just wanted to get home and crawl into my bed and sleep there forever. So I got up, and made way home.